True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
