you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
