I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Randomize
