I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize