I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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