I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I could fuck to npr.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
