then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
