she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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