One girl and one boy is just not enough.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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