OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
