I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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