i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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