Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
