I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
