I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
