I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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