he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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