Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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