he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
