Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
