I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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