I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
