Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
