I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Randomize
