Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
