you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize