My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
