I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
