I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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