i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
