whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
