No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
