I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
