He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
