i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
