I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
