his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
