I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
