Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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