fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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