Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
