Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
