You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
