you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
