some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
