Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
