she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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