I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
OPIZZABONMYDICK
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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