Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
