I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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