I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
