Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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