I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize