Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
They are going to name an STD after you.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
