I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
