I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
