Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
