I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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