I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
