I've blown a few things in my day
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
