At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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