think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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