No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
