I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
