my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i came on her dog
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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