I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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